What values do you promote at home?

Posted byPam ShodeindePosted inUncategorized

My journey through parenting is one that is filled with valuable life lessons from every day experiences and interaction with my children. It’s interesting that children emulate what they see you do and not always “as you tell them to do”. We are the first role models our children will look up to, so what values are we promoting at home?

In 2016, I made the decision to take my children to Nigeria because it was important to my husband and I to give them a first-hand experience of what beauty truly beholds their motherland. This stemmed from a conversation I had with my older daughter. The conversation went something like this; “mummy, why are there so many poor people in Africa?” Shocked and confused, I asked her “Tumi how did you come to this conclusion?” She looked at me and paused, I think she sensed I had my defensive guard up, and she walked away and said “never mind”. I decided to ask her again in a calmer voice this time and her explanation shocked me. “Well, on TV they are always asking people to give money to children and people in Africa and they are all poor”. I tried really hard to control my emotions but it was clear at that point that I had done my child a disservice. Without realising it, I had allowed my child believe a narrative that promotes discrimination and unconscious bias. I tried my best to explain to her that this narrative was not only untrue, it was one of the bases why people who are black are not treated very nicely. I went further to explain that there were rich and poor people in every country. But I knew what I said only confused her further and honestly, she clearly wasn’t in the mood for a deep discussion. Reflecting on this, I knew I needed to do better and be more intentional about showcasing the things I was proud of about being African, and Nigerian to be precise.

I spoke to my husband about it and anyone who knows him will attest to the fact that he is a passionate PAN-AFRICANIST, (Pan-Africanism, the idea that peoples of African descent have common interests and should be unified. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Pan-Africanism) which made him very quite disappointed that we hadn’t done enough to educate our children on issues around identity and culture of which we were very proud to be a part of. He told me immediately, “we need to take the girls to Nigeria, we need to teach them by letting them see and experience it for themselves”. To summarise, we went to Nigeria in April that year, and her experience is one she still talks about till this day. I guess the saying is true “seeing is believing” as that trip was a life changing experience for her in a positive way. It wasn’t perfect as she couldn’t understand why it was so hot and why it was so busy on roads with unending traffic but she was clearly amazed that the picture she had in her mind did not match what was in front of her.

A picture of Lagos at night

She got to visit places that were similar to what she was used to in England and in fact, in her own words “I feel like a princess” because she was treated as such. When we got back, she told everyone who cared to listen how great Nigeria was and how much fun she had when she went.

Fast forward to when she returned to school that year, and one of her first tasks was to write an original poem. You will never guess what she chose to write her poem about with a little help from mummy and daddy 😊😊…….

“My great Africa, How I love my Africa

Full of people with great culture

Blessed with unspeakable nature,

Filled with colours of the rainbow

Birds fly in the beautiful sky

Chipping harmony in their colourful flights,

My great Africa, how I love my Africa”.

Safe to say she got a recognition at school for her poem and she is still quite proud of it.

Now she is an advocate for correcting the stereotype that Africa is only full of poor people who need help from charity organisations. She will tell you “there are poor people everywhere and rich people too”.

In conclusion, let’s intentionally teach our children the values that made our childhood beautiful and gives us a sense of belonging to a culture truly blessed with beauty; an identity worthy of pride.

Published by Pam Shodeinde

My name is Pamela Shodeinde, a wife, mother to 2 beautiful daughters and a social worker and overall lover of God. I am reconnecting with my love for writing and reading and my passion stems from being the best version of myself for my kids. This is by no means a blog that has all the answers, it is in fact one where I am hoping to also learn from you on how you show up every day for your kids. Life is about unlearning, learning and relearning.

32 thoughts on “What values do you promote at home?”

  1. I got goosebumps reading this. The investment required to match your wishes with actions is not easy and I see how deliberate you and Seun were to make an international trip not out of sentiment but to educate the kids.
    Now sharing this

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  2. Thanks for this Pam. This is so important. Travelling teaches far more than can be taught in any classroom. It’s important for our kids to see Africa and the world and have first hand experiences of different cultures and peoples

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment! 😊We definitely need to teach our children to have life experiences that help them see the beauty in this world, including their own culture and heritage.

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  3. Beautiful write up Pam Pam as always. We definitely need to be intentional about raising our children with our culture. Really geographical location should not matter, a good example will be the asians they carry their culture wherever they go and leave a mark. Most importantly we NEED to raise confident children who are proud of their heritage, skin , hair….PROUD to be African.

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    1. Thank you so much Ese for your feedback. It isn’t always possible to take them back home but Educating them through how we carry ourselves and identify with our culture is also important. Thank you ❤️

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  4. Wow, it really shows you how just one experience or one word can change our unconscious bias. I am happy you not only spoke to her about it, you also gave her an experience she will never forget. Well-done mum and dad you really put in the work and see the beautiful result you got. Well-done Tumi for such a beautiful poem.

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    1. Beautiful write up Pam. Now we have an ambassador in Tumi. A challenge is now bestowed on us to create a solid sense of identity in our younger ones before they get taught a biased and diluted part of our rich culture and history. I mean, imagine Jamie Oliver teaching people how to make Jollof rice and adding anything but the real ingredients. That got me boiling.In 20 years time, Wilkipedia would say jollof was invented by Jamie. Whose fault would it be when we have not educated our own.
      Thanks for the. Oya children, Ile ya ,grandma is calling you.

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      1. This cracked me up. 😂😂😂In fact God forbid, smoky party jollof can never be modified and copyright given to Jamie Oliver, imagine that 😳😳
        Thank you for the feedback! ❤️

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  5. Amazing Pam! I think it’s so important for our children’s identity that we show them their origins. That they come from lands where black men and women are kings and queens. That they can be decision makers, movers and shakers, anything they want to be! Yes, their parents have told them they can, but they’ve also seen it in action with their own eyes. A great choice to take the girls to Nigeria, and so proud of Tumi for her poem but also her understanding of her homeland – a beautiful place, with colour and culture – a place that she is proud to say that she is from.

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    1. Thanks Anika!!!! What a wonderful perspective. “Lands where black men and women are Kings and Queens”. So true, we need to do better to change the narrative that we are seconds. ❤️

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  6. Congratulations Ereomamoje ( Pam Pam ). I have always imagined it that, given your writing prowess when you were much younger, you will come up with something like this that would positively and immensely add value to the whole essence of life, particularly young parents like you and those aspiring to become one.
    God bless your journey and let your thoughts and the ones from other young people permeate the entire human race and bring about a world we can all describe as worthy to live in.

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  7. Beautifully written. We should never forget where we came from and celebrate all things African. You inspire us to change the way we view ourselves as Africans as equals in the world.

    Proud to know you and call you my sister.

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  8. This is beautiful Love it. Thanks Pam for sharing this . It is indeed a wake up call to talk about our homeland and heritage to our kids and also show them if possible, that is is indeed something to be very proud of.

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  9. This is great! It is really a great revelation to parents to educate our children the good values we hold dearly as Africans to change the wrong impression that our young generation have been exposed to.

    Good job, well done, Pam and more grace to you .

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  11. Good job Pamela!
    I appreciate your drive for diasporian acculturation . That’s the way to go girl!
    Please teach the girls some Yoruba or Isekiri.😀👍

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  12. Some years back when you where in Nigerian Navy, at one of your presentations on Child’s right and privilege day, Sefinatu Mohammed was so pleased with your presentation that she gave you her call card at that event, but one of your teachers collected it and never gave you back, I was to go get it from the teacher, but you said ” Mummy, they only collected a call card, but they didn’t take Pamela”.
    I’m therefore not surprised at what you have turned out to be. Kudos to you for this brilliant piece. May the Lord establish you and take you to greater heights in Jesus name.

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  14. PamiSeun; keep shinning sis and pouring from your well that shall never run dry!!! No lies in ‘do as you do’, not ‘do as you say’.

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  15. Sis,
    I always tell people that when it comes to parenting, “Experience is not the best teacher, Example certainly is a better teacher”. I consider this piece a timely one, apt and crucial to the peculiar times that we are in.

    Self awareness is a strength and not a vice synonymous with pride or arrogance, I noticed that in your Children during their visit and I’m so certain that this was consciously and intentionally inculcated in them. This is so important to enable our children compete favourably in the world space and keep them relevant in the scheme of things.

    I appreciate your message and I value the messanger as well.
    More ink to you pen Ma’am.

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